Part 2

Both the male sex drive and the hormones called Testosterone that fueled sex drive is driving my life out of control. I did not like the physical effects of testosterone such as facial hair, body hair but also the mental effects of male hormones also bothered me. I had learned in high school biology class about the function of testicles and ovaries. If I could somehow remove or shut down those testicles as if I still a kid who do not have to worry about getting married, have children, paying child support and other stuff associated with it, so the only solution is to cut them off.
Chemical Composition of Testosterone. Source google image
My sex drive in my teen years is consider pretty high whereby I masturbated three to four times a day and after masturbation, I feel I have another surf of energy to do it again. I felt the first trace of libido when I was 13 and I never had nocturnal emission maybe because I masturbated so much. Then at the age of 15, I started to hate my testicles and the male hormones in my body. I started inflicting pain to my testicles but somehow that pain turns into pleasure. I then discovered eunuch.org by accident while browsing the internet and I started experimenting more and more on testicles torture. That when my fantasy to be castrated comes in. As I already unhappy with my testicles and the male hormones, the only way is get rid of it from my body was to permanently remove it. I had used rubber band; started with one band then increase it to two, three and so on until the testicles turn purple black. Other times I would think about slicing them off at home and then check myself into the emergency department while sometime I would beat it really hard with hair comb, slipper, anything I could get my hands on. The most extreme one would be I tried to electrocute my testicles but learnt in my science class that means I would then electrocute myself too and therefore I tried it with a 9V battery which did not work. I would then fantasied that those testicles were not there and would then masturbated till I orgasm. The orgasm were intense and after orgasm, my desire to lose my testicles subsided and I back to square one. In other words, I have no will to castrate myself. Hence I always fantasied being forcefully castrated by another person.

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