Part 6

After my university, I date a girl called Evelyn, whom also from the same country as I am. I have knew her for at least seven years and we were a happy couple. Even at one stage, I thought yeah I will get married and established a family with her and leave my desire to be castrated behind and lead a happy family life. At that stage my parents and grandparents were pressuring me to get married and I have intention of proposing to her after our holiday to New Zealand. But sadly after our holiday, my plan were ruined and everything changed as she found a job she really wanted and rejected my proposal as she wanted to focus on her career and she have no intention of getting married and have children. We had arguments and separated after that, I went into depression mode and at that moment the thoughts and will of castration become very strong at that point onwards and I started to look for a way to inflict injury to my testicles even more including home castration such as burdizzo and alcohol injections. Bought the burdizzo and a couple of injection needle along with a bottle of 75.5% Bacardi 151 with the thoughts of permanently destroyed my testicles. As I was holding the needle in my hand, somehow deep down in my mind, something is telling me not to do it and my hand start to tremble and my heart pound faster and faster. Took two shot of the 151 and to calm myself down. Then slowly I put the needle into my testicles and inject my testicles with 10cc of 151. That hurts for sure but not as painful as before. Once the left one is done, I proceed to the right one and it hurt even more. That the first time I did the injections and to the extreme torturing my testicles.  For the next few days my testicles were hurting constantly as if I been kick repeatedly in the testicles similar pain that I had before but more tolerable by the fourth day. As for the burdizzo, I have not used it since I bought it. I also not had any more injections or extreme testicles torture after that because I found meditations and going to church somehow helped me focus on other things like career and money. However the thoughts of castration and getting rid of testosterone in my body still linger and haunts me every day. 

Needle used for the injection. Image source from Google
Burdizzo. Image source from Google

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